margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
