Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
