I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
