We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
