Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it because I queefed?
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
