We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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