The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
