I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
