the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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