The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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