Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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