Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(353): View more from

When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

how did i know this would happen?

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(515): View more from Iowa

Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.

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(206): View more from Washington

My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.

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(272): View more from

He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!

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