I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
