he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
