Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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