he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
