Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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