a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
