I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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