whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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