my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
