I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
