I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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