Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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