But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
