The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
