My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
