Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just googled if crying burns calories
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
