i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
