I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
