Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
