Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
