I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
