If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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