Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
