its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's always time for handjobs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I did not marry a roomba.
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