Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
