Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
