You're so nebulous sometimes
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
