just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
