When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
