You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
