Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
