bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
