I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I came so hard my ears popped.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
