Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
