Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
