we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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