apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
