I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
