So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
